I told him the Jays were a desperate bunch, which is cheddar cheese to a puppy dog in devil-speak.
[b]Lenny Randle Rangers Jersey[/b] . I gave him my hard sell. Cmon, buddy. Cmon, Sweet Lu. Our All Star-shortstop Jose Reyes, finally healthy, literally leads off the season by taking his first at bat, popping out, then proceeding to walk off the field and on to the disabled list. Maybe hes out for two weeks, maybe four months, maybe hes taking up painting. The team, left with a defence only Abbott and Costello could love, is even more desperate than when it was just known for jettisoning its best young talent for knuckleballers pushing 40 - he stopped me right there. He smiled deep and wide, his horns dewy with anticipation. He was ready to make a deal.Fine, I said. I will bypass my desires for fame or fortune or a game of wall ball with Lloyd Moseby and put my deal making skills to work for our boys in royal blue. So, fellow fan, you are welcome. Allow me to outline the exact details of how this season is going to go down (as hashed out between me and Mr. Three Prong, Son of Perdition).(Disclaimer: if you are planning to use this remarkably accurate information for gambling, I urge you to keep investing that extra money into lotto scratchers, lest we have a Back To The Future situation on our hands. APRIL (14-13 record, .519)The Jays whimper out of the gate, getting crushed on Opening Day, then lose 7 of 10, doing a bang-on impersonation of the mediocre team we thought they were. Thats when the cauldron bubbles and the thick smoke rolls in and the creepy carnival comes to town. What happens specifically? Maybe the entire Red Sox roster contracts syphilis. Maybe Derek Jeter becomes a clubhouse cancer in his final diva-tirade-filled season. Maybe Camden Yards becomes Marlo Stanfield turf. Maybe Tampa Bay management decides the empty cavern they play in would be better monetized by jai alai tournaments. Listen, I dont ask El Diablo how he gets stuff done, I just sit back and enjoy the results which Im assured come with no consequences. MAY (31-26, .544)Little known fact about devil-dealing: May is Buy One, Get One Free Month! Thats across the board, whether youre looking for life extension or to unravel the happiness of a sworn enemy. Why not do both?Truly, Beelzebub has little to do with the Blue Jay surge of May. The team plays a whopping 18 games at home, and with the city still suffering from an endless winter, the Rogers Centre roof is only opened once all month, a paralyzing condition visiting teams cannot physically handle (the technical term is "depression"). (Sidenote: I apologize for not asking The Crimson Sausage, Enemy Of Christ to improve the weather. The Cable Box on Blue Jay Way is the Bikram Yoga studio of stadiums.*) (*Bikram yoga is also known as hot yoga.**) (**Hot yoga is a thing you do when you are a 22-year-old girl or a thing you do when you are trying to impress a 22-year-old girl).JUNE (48-36, .571)Until mid-June, the league hadnt noticed the Jays ascension to the ranks of the privileged, largely because after twenty years spent ignoring someone, it is perfectly understandable that you might mistakenly walk past them in the hall and fail to notice the shotgun they are holding. But the Jays had now arrived, and their demands were going to be met, even if Barb in accounting didnt know their goddamn name. Josh Thole was gonna make sure you remember.We gotta give props to The Author Of All Sin, because he works the impossible this month. Jose Reyes is back in the lineup in time for his birthday (June 11) and his bobblehead day (June 8 for those fair weather fans planning to attend). To think, how many nasty critics said meaningful baseball would never be played in Toronto again in July?JULY (62-48, .564)With just a paltry nine home games on tap, our Blue Man Group must do their damage on the road, visiting Tampa Bay, New York and Boston. In a month-long celebration of Canada Day, our national baseball representatives do just that, proving Canadians to be fearless and capable. (Flipside: After witnessing the condition of our departing players hotel rooms, it is clear we Canucks may lack some respect for the environment. I believe the players call it, "doing it Harper-style").The All-Star break falls in July, an annual tradition typically partaken by Jose Bautista and a middle reliever nobody knew was on the team. 2014 proves to be no different despite being a dozen games over .500 at the break. Respect will have to be earned. FYI, did you wanna know who wins this years All-Star game, giving their respective League home field advantage in the World Series? Answer: NOBODY. Nobody [expletive] wins with a rule that stupid.AUGUST (79-57, .581)On August 11, Colby Rasmus turns 28. That same day, Melky Cabrera turns 30. The Prince Of Darkness promises me these achievements will be met and hes been totally standup so far.Playing every division rival at home this month, The Descendants of Alfredo Griffin enjoy their greatest month this century, forcing Vegas to recognize them as a team and set World Series odds. They are given 60-1 chances, though in metric it works out to a more sensible 18-1.(For those of you uncomfortable with how fashioned this season is by Oh Wicked One, Im not saying you have to worship the Father Of All Lies, Founder Of Murder. Im just saying, if youre a ball fan, you should probably send him a card. Maybe bath salts. Nothing fancy).SEPTEMBER (93-69, .574)A peculiar month of scheduling down the home stretch. Sensibly, the Jays visit every division rivals park. Oddly, they play the Chicago Cubs for an unknown reason my sources tell me may have involved money and bad judgement.2014 ends in a dog fight -- a climax of tension and emotion and games that are still a little too long -- all in the service of the Jays holding on for their first playoff appearance ever (in the lives of the children whose aging fathers drag them to the games). We did it! Were number 4 or 5!And there you have it: 93 wins. 1 wild card spot. 0 logical discrepancies. Is it getting hot in here?Gallays Poll #5Lets say we dont know what we know. With how many wins doth the Blue Jays finish?A) <70 -- I am familiar with the team. The win total will be commensurate with the talent level.B) 70-81 -- I dont pay much attention to the baseballs but have read a few headlines.C) 82-89 -- I rarely hear about the Jays anymore. Is Kelly Gruber still with the team?D) 90+ -- I dont understand how baseball works.
[b]Buddy Bell Rangers Jersey[/b] . PETERSBURG, Florida – Heading into Thursday nights action, Dioner Navarro had caught 14 innings combined from starters Drew Hutchison and Mark Buehrle.
[b]Jesse Chavez Jersey[/b] .J. -- The NHL reduced its penalty against the New Jersey Devils on Thursday for signing Ilya Kovalchuk in 2010.DENVER - Nate Robinson serenaded his teammate with a song in the locker room, rapping and rhyming about J.J. Hicksons big game. Only fitting, since the Denver Nuggets were marching to Hicksons beat all night. Hickson had 19 points and 11 rebounds and the Nuggets overcame a slow start to beat the New Orleans Pelicans 102-93 Sunday night. Last season, Hickson was a double-double machine for Portland, ranking among the league leaders with 40. This was only his sixth of the season for Denver. "Weve been teasing J.J. a lot: Where are all those double-doubles from last year? Because we need them this year," Robinson said. "I know theyre going to come. "Once we get it rolling, its going to be dangerous; its going to be scary for teams to play us." Especially if they can jump out to faster starts. Once again, the Nuggets took a while to get going on offence and had to play catch-up. But they did and were able to pull away late. No big deal, since its more about how a team finishes than starts, right? "Its how you start," Ty Lawson said, grinning. "We get in such a hole in the first quarter and its hard to come back and have energy in the fourth." Wilson Chandler added 19 to help the Nuggets bounce back from a rare home loss on Friday. Theyre 7-3 at Pepsi Center this season after going a franchise-best 38-3 in 2012-13. Ryan Anderson scored 26 and Austin Rivers chipped in a season-high 17 for the Pelicans, who began a five-game road swing. They were without guard Tyreke Evans, who was sitting out due to a sprained left ankle. "We just didnt have the same juice tonight that weve had in a lot of games," Pelicans coach Monty Williams said. "Guys missed shots. We had a lot of open looks, but we just didnt make good shots." This game was tight most of the way, with neither team able to pull away. The Nuggets went on an 8-0 run midway through the third quarter to gain a little separation, leading 71-62 after a pair of free throws by Lawson. The Pelicans could never slice into the deficit. Jordan Hamilton put an exclamation on the win with dunks on back-to-back possessions late in the fourth quarter. The Nuggets once agaain received solid production from their bench players, with Robinson leading the way by scoring 14.
[b]Taylor Hearn Jersey[/b]. The reserves are averaging 45.3 points, third best in the NBA. "Our job is to make it hard for them (starters) in practice, to give them the best look that any other starting five in the league is going to give them," Robinson explained. "We take pride in that." As has become the recent trend, Denver trailed after the first quarter, trailing 27-24. This was the eighth straight game in which Denver has fallen behind after the opening 12 minutes. Fed up with his teams slow starts, coach Brian Shaw has done some investigating to fix it. He and his staff examined what the players were eating in pregame meals, whether they were getting proper rest leading up to tip off and even changed their stretching routine. The first-year head coach even put his players on notice that he was thinking about switching up the starting lineup. But he stayed with his familiar starting crew against the Pelicans. Still, it was another frosty start as Denver fell behind 8-0 before the players had time to work up a sweat. "The first bucket and then four, six, eight (points), you start to think about it," Lawson said. "Its like, Oh, were starting off slow again. We try to put it out of our heads." The Nuggets had a spirited practice on Saturday, with Shaws guards hardly missing a shot, he reported. That was quite a contrast to a 103-93 loss to Utah on Friday, when Randy Foye and Lawson went a combined 0 for 9 from the field. Shaw even challenged the speedy Lawson to step up, saying: "As the point guard of this team and a guy on the cusp of becoming an All-Star level player, you cant allow what happened to our team happen to our team." Lawson received the message, dishing out eight assists and scoring 12 points. "The challenge he gave us was crazy," Lawson said. "Got to respond to that. We all took it to heart. We had to get better and we did." NOTES: The Pelicans had just six fast-break points. They came in averaging 17.4, which was second in the league. ... The Nuggets outrebounded the Pelicans 51-32. ' ' '
Find in Directory
Find in Events
Find in Marketplace